Man, what is wrong with me?
Friday, December 14, 2007
I don't understand myself lately. I'm not enjoying the stay-at-home-mom thing. I love Lilly, but this age is very difficult and not that much fun. I sort of want to go back to work. Maybe I'm just in need of some mental stimulation and socialization. in January, Lilly will be going to a part-time thing, two mornings a week. I hope that helps because right now, nothing short of kindergarten sounds like it'll give me enough relief.
Every other day, I go back and forth about having another baby. All my friends have just had their second one, are pregnant with their second, or are trying to get pregnant with their second. I'm trying not to let that affect me, but it does. They look so beautiful pregnant and I miss it! When I really think about it, I don't miss the extreme exhaustion, morning sickness, and discomfort. I wasn't really a walk in the park for me, but yet I find myself wanting to go through the whole thing again. And why? So I can have another baby and do what with it? Stay home and be even more overwhelmed?
What if I had another and put them in part time daycare? Does that make me a bad mom? I get so much pressure from all directions to stay at home with her and I don't have to work.
Yesterday, I went to the OB for my annual exam (fun, fun, huh?). When I signed in, the receptionist asked if I was there for a sonogram. I almost said, "I wish". Then, I flipped through "Fit Pregnancy" while I waited my turn. Gosh, do I miss it. The very best part was the labor and delivery. Recovery kicked my butt though.
For the first time in nearly three years, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still on 6-MP and Asacol and will be forever. My GI doctor says I can technically have another baby on this medicine, but recommends that I wait a few years and enjoy being healthy again. Makes since huh? So, why am getting baby fever? Do I really want to add a flair-up of Ulcerative Colitis to sleepiness nights and life with a newborn and toddler???!?? Am I insane here?
I asked my OB about how she would feel about me having another baby while on 6-MP. She said "absolutely not". Apparently it is a class D drug and causes defects. So, I'm on this drug for the rest of my life and cannot have a baby on it. So, what am I even agonizing about? Do I really have much of a choice in the matter? Am I really going to risk my health again - intentionally?
posted by Avorie @ 11:25 AM,
4 Comments:
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At 3:51 PM,
Amanda and Tim said...
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Wow it's great to see you again! I pop in now and then when I get the chance (haven't had much chance of late) and wonder often how you are all doing! It's good to hear that you're all doing well and your health is finally starting to pick up! I'm sorry to hear you're up and down and back and forth about another baby - t must be so difficult and I can't imagine how it must be to be in your position! I do agree though that it might be a good idea to get used to feeling healthy again for a while before making any major life-changing decisions! Thinking of you lots and loking forward to hearing more from you soon.
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At 11:22 AM,
Midwest Texan said...
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I just found your blog through a comment you left on Hola, Isabel about having a hard time with the SAHM life lately and thinking about work. It is hard to be at home with a toddler - my son is 20 mos - and I feel physically exhaused at the end of the day, but completely mentally bored. I do work part time from home, which is nice, but it's not the same as getting to go to an actual office and have dedicated work time. I hope you are able to sort through your feelings about staying at home/work/daycare and find a good solution.
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At 3:49 AM,
Ruth said...
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Hi, I've just found your blog. I admire the way you cope with motherhood and have crohn's (if I'm correct?). I have crohn's too and am nervous about one-day possibly having children (I say one day possibly because I'm not yet ready health-wise or emotionally). I'm so glad that you are feeling healthier though. I guess you need your energy for your daughter! Anyway, I hope you continue to feel well, and take care, Ruth xx
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At 5:25 AM,
said...
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I remember posting to you after you just had Lily when you were just getting diagnosed with your crohn's. I also have crohn's, I had a baby in 2006 but had a major flare up during that time, was on prednisone and asacol, they were considering giving me methotrexate in the 3rd trimester in which i refused. I just had another baby 8 weeks ago and for this pregnancy, I felt amazing after 5 months. I am now off my steriods, breasfeeding and having no symptoms at all. I am in a remission and hope to stay that way. Hopefully you and your OB and GI dr. can discuss options with you.
