A bit Insulted
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
I emailed a friend (who lives about an hour and a half away) a couple of days ago. I told her how wonderful Lilly was and how I could hardly remember Lilly not being around. I told my friend that Lilly was smiling and that I was going to start taking a class offered by the Hospital called "Methods of Mothering", where I anticipate meeting other mothers and probably forming a play group. I was shocked and a bit insulted when my friend emailed me back, with "I can hardly remember life before Lilly" in quotes and telling me that I shouldn't loose sight of who I am and how I need to have other interests besides being a mother.
This was a bit surprising, coming from a mother of two (3 and 1 years old). I realize that it's not healthy to make children the entire focus of your whole life. You have to balance hubby, kids, yourself, and others things. However, I think it's totally normal to be excited about and completely in love with your newborn. For a time, newborns are totally absorbing. I expect that I will reabsorb some of my previous activities as Lilly grows more independent, but for now, I'm enjoying every minute that I spend with her. I am very lucky not to have to go back to work in two weeks. I can't even imagine not spending the day with my little Lilly and missing all the cute (and even boring) things she does. I love this stage of my life.
I can't decide if my friend is jealous because she can't stay at home and doesn't reach out to meet other mothers or if she's unhappy or just plain trying to give me some advice.
posted by Avorie @ 9:09 PM,
6 Comments:
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At 6:10 AM,
Corinne said...
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How rude... seriously. I feel exactly the same way about Shepherd. I mean, I remember life before him, but I can't imagine my life now without him. He is that much a part of my life... just as Lily is a part of yours. Sounds to me like she has some issues of her own....
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At 8:01 AM,
Kristin said...
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With Logan, it seems like he has always been with us. Kinda weird, but life seemed so "lifeless" prior to his birth.
It sounds like your friend may have some resentment. The truth is that after we have given birth, we are NOT the same women we used to be.
Our babies are our #1 priority in our lives right now. Life is all about balance, but I can't imagine putting myself before Logan. That's really what motherhood is all about. It's the ultimate sacrifice. Selfish people should not be parents. -
At 9:29 AM,
Sara said...
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Oh, I'm so sorry she said that to you! It sounds like you are doing wonderfully and, yes, this is how it should be.
My daughter is 21 months old and is "still" the center of my attention. I do have other interests (I'm in grad school right now) but my daughter (and family) always comes first.
That class sounds wonderful! -
At 1:04 PM,
Unknown said...
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Oh my gosh! I find that so offensive and rude. It kind of upsets me reading that. I agree that your friend may be a bit jealous.
I haven't even had my baby yet and I already feel that my life is totally different and I've changed. I don't remember my focus before this baby, so I can only imagine how it will be afterwards!! -
At 5:15 AM,
Kelly said...
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Maybe she was trying to be helpful, but it sure did sound rude! Wow. Enjoy your baby, and don't worry about it!
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At 3:21 PM,
Isabel said...
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When I first read what your friend wrote I thought "Oh she's like how I was years ago when my friends had babies and I just didn't understand." But then you said she's a mom herself. That made me sad.
Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's just having a bad day.
And go on enjoying being a mom. Nothing wrong with that! :-)
